At the beginning of the year I declared 2017 my year of loving dangerously. As Davidicus Campbell said when he interviewed me for his Spaced In podcast, I’ve been prying my heart open with a crow bar. Now that we’re 6 months into the year I thought I’d give you an update on how consciously opening myself to unconditional love is going. To be honest, it’s hard. Some days it’s really fucking hard. It’s terrifying and uncomfortable and beautiful and amazing and painful. It forces you to look at all the places inside yourself that your ego would like to keep hidden, the little lies you tell yourself, the fears, the not good enoughs, and how those can sometimes cause you to unintentionally hurt those you care about. It also forces you to look past the hurtful ways others may treat you and see those same things are at play and choose to respond in a loving way.
The most painful thing now is experiencing how closed off most people’s hearts really are, and how often they recieve words of encouragement or praise as a trick, a lie, a means to an end, having strings attached, etc. Have we really become so bitter and jaded that we can’t allow ourselves to believe that someone would do or say something nice without wanting anything in return? Although, I must admit that as an empath I often feel what others are feeling so when I give someone a heartfelt compliment and it makes them feel great, I feel great. So I guess it really is kind of greedy on my part. The more I encourage those around me to feel good, the better I feel. But there is so much pain in the world right now, and my heart shatters into pieces on a regular basis. But I’m learning that each time it does, it’s really removing a layer of the shell that’s been surrounding it for so long. Each time it gets a bit stronger and braver.
Speaking of brave, a week ago a dear friend invited me to join her in a 30 day be brave challenge. I accepted and even inspired a few other friends to join us. My 30 day goal is to sing in public. So within the next 24 days, I will sing. I don’t know where or what or any of the details, only that I made a commitment to myself. I am now practicing like a maniac. Maybe tomrrow I’ll get brave enough to share WHY this is my 30 day goal, why it means so much to me and why it scares me more than pretty much anything I can think of. I will tell you that it’s about and for me and me alone.
What can you do this week for yourself to feel more love and bravery?